In Repair

It's been a while since I posted on here. I've been very busy, and things have been actually going pretty good. If you've ever read this you can tell its my place to vent. Mostly about relationships. I've come close since my last couple posts but, yet again nothing has come of it. I keep wondering why it is impossible for me to be happy where I'm at. I have friends, family, I really do have it good. But I just can't seem to stop searching. I recently read an article entitled "What Women Really Need From Men". I sent it to two girls, whose opinions I trust, and they pretty much agreed with what the writer had written. So I look over this article and I see things that I need to work on. But I'm not sure how to even start or how you work on these things. I keep thinking that....I'm pretty good the way I am. But for the sake of argument lets say there is some stuff I need to work on. I think we will always be working on stuff, we're never finished growing. So, if we're never finished growing, how hard should it be to find someone who can appreciate us where we're at? I like to think that I can look at a person and see where they're at, and where they want to be going and appreciate that. Appreciate that....ambition, that direction. So why can't others? I think we look for that perfect person, that soul mate. This my friends.....is a myth. A soul mate is something that has been conjured up for use in romantic plays and poems and movies. We connect with people and we find we have chemistry and our interests are alike and we complement each other. That we find a soul mate right off is...not necessarily something that happens. Only after you spend a lot of time with that person and get to know them will they become your best friend and/or soul mate. So maybe perfection is something a little too high to shoot for. Maybe you should find someone you can get along with, someone you can talk to....someone you can trust. Because the most important factor in any relationship is trust. Girls always say they want the guy they can trust, but that's not what they want right away. They want someone who is a little dangerous or mysterious if you will. The safe person is boring, even if that is what they ultimately want. So that person ends up becoming the best friend, and let me tell you girls. That....the best friend, what do you think of this guy, guy that you ask questions. That breaks our heart, maybe not all of us...but some of us....it really hurts. Do us a favor and make a choice, don't flip-flop because you want the best of both worlds.
For the past couple months, I have been doing my best to not like anyone or look. I wanted to be focused on school and my friends. This has admittedly, been a failure. Apparently I am too much of a romantic to stop looking and liking, and unfortunately for me my default setting is relationship. This causes problems because I want too much, I want commitment. The girls I have met, aren't interested in that level of commitment. I'm not talking like....marriage. But a serious relationship. People say that when you stop looking you find it. I think it only seems like it cause you're not looking for it. I'm starting to think the best option is to just shut it all down. Do your best to not look, while my attempt has been unsuccessful, that doesn't mean that I'm not going to continue trying; and who knows...maybe someday, I'll have something happy to post about on this blog But until then, here I stand, doing my best to stand against the wind and the waves, I'm trying to keep the ship off the rocks. But this is what happens when you say, to hell with the torpedoes, full speed ahead. Sometimes you miss and hit the rocks and get destroyed. I'm not destroyed, not yet anyway. We'll see how much longer I can last though.